Hmm how long since i last posted anithin? aniway~ nice to meet u guys! and thanks for all the encouragement buddies! frens! laopos! really thanks for bein my cushion when im in the darkest hour. hmm~ i didnt know my blog got quite a number of silent stalker who don use my tag box! but really, thanks for those concerns all my dear silent stalkers -.- ( don know how to use a even nicer term)
hmm.. wat is love? is it just that sudden rush of adrenaline when u see that particular someone? or is it that constant reminders and efforts u put in tryin to tell urself it's over but yet u know ur heart still cant agree to it! is it that simple sms of affection or is it hating yet knowin that u cant hate. Millions have been broke, hurt, conned becos of this words! yet many still believe in this fantasy that one day her/ his mr/mrs right will come into his/her world lyk a fairy and everythin will go like the way fairytales always ended, happily ever after. But seriously speakin, how many of us did really see ani couples who nvr had a single conflict before? therefore conflict is inevitable.
In my own opinion,What make a friendship or rather a relationship long and strong is the way they handle these conflict... there are many way in solvin this conflict but how different the ways are, they always come out wif one party apologisin and the other party forgivin! In most cases nth is too big or bad until they cannt be savage ani more! Ego and sturbborness are normally the more common factors which which will led the rather easy to solve problems into some kind of crisis which will result in hurtin the both party, often deeply!
In my personal point of view! wantin an angel to just pop into ur life and then live happily ever after is almost impossible! if U wan ppl to lyk u! to take note of u! to show u care and concern! first u must start off with urself! relationship and friendship is unlike studies, there shouldnt be ani goals in mind, but is the feel that really matters! U will not always reap wat u sow! sometiomes u will get a unexpected windfall yet sometimes all ur crops may die! but it is how u stand up and prepare for the next batch of crops! U wan ppl to respect u! start by respectin ppl! u wan ppl to love u start by lovin them! U wan ppl take note of u! start by takin note of them! and start with this word TRUST. Try feedin a dog meats instead of bones, try givin the cat fish instead of junks. Things will change for the better.
If u ever had a girl in mind! which make u cry! which make u angry! which make u sulk! which make u high! which make u smile! and no matter how hard u are tryin u cannt forget her... which still hurts when u see things that are once so close to her! that still itch ur heart when somethin is happenin to her! that still wan to make u pretend that U nvr met her before.. don force urself to forget her! but rmb her! don force ur mind to erase her, don pressurize ur heart to delete her but tell ur soul that a part of her still remains in u! and she will wan the best for u and move on..
-u can lie to ur heart,ur soul, ur mind bout the person loved! but once u see that person ur expression will reveal the truth which u had been hidin!
jiayou javier~
Thursday, December 10, 2009
Monday, November 30, 2009
most miserable day of my life
I suddenly felt so stress! so freakin stress! everyh=thin just gave way!one by one i fought for to gain trust and respect yet one by one it failed me! i don know... im really dam stress. Health,Results,family,frens and u! all of it i out in effort to attain wat i hope to see! and just when i tot i saw the light! i failed once again! i failed lyk i was in primary school! i felt so useless! dumb! rubbish bin! i felt so un-needed! i don understand why! perservin ur smile! creatin a trouble free home, "B"results! frens who understand rather then take advantage! and cuttin down on weights! i don know! all of my aim all failed me one by one! im miserable.really donkey miserable.
Monday, November 23, 2009
sry.
I don know! i really don~i don understand! Since the two of u are angry wif me! then the problems lies wiif me rather then wat i used to think~ I am onli tryin to protect the two of u! becos the two of u means alot alot alot to me! I always believe that as long as u girls are smilin im right! im on the right path as long as the two of u isnt sulkin! i tried so hard! put in so much time, considerin every aspect! thinkin about every possible way i could do, every possible role i could play so as to savage and glue both of ur smile forever! I think for now! i failed! really failed, because i totally do not understand wat u girls need! i think maybe my greatest mistaker isnt lyin or not tellin! isnt apologisin or personal ego! but a little too concern about how to keep the smile glued to both of ur face until i forgotten how to live lyk a proper man! I think that is my greatest downpour!
Seriously speakin! the both of u did brought alot of joy and laughter into my life! The both of u are so blur at times, till the point i cant believe that u are my fren! the both of u are so fantastic at times, till the point i totally give in my heart to! the both of u are are so nice at times until i cant believe im actually livin in mother earth! the both of u are so so so wonderful! in term of frens, best frens or watever! when im typin this post, my brain is playin like a recorder! i can clearly remeber the times when u make me laugh so hard! the time when u made me feel warmth in the darkest nite! I felt i was loved! i felt that im finally the center's of ones eyes! i felt happy. really happy, from the bottom of my heart. But everytime! every time when i shared somethin unhappy about myself to u guys! i sort of find that u guys are feelin depressed! some wat sad! and for me! i hate to see ppl i lyk that much! treasure that much to be sad! even the slightest bits~i just hate it! And since that is the cause of the ll the problem im facin! i should cover it up wif anithin, ani possible ways to cover up the problem! i always think that wat im doin is the best for all of us! but now the resultn is so negative! one of them is angry! and the other is either fed up! or don even wan to see me again! best if i just die!
I don know if that is wat ppl always say: don act smart! becos u are not smart at all! i just felt very very sry to put u ladies throught this, which is so unncessary if not of my stupidity! No wonder i make the both of u so angry! im really a big bug idiot! my way of 大男人主意 is just so wrong! cos in the end im not gettin wat i wan! the smile glued smile form the both of u! "when i put myself in the shoes of both of u! i found that, wat i did was really intolerable and Idiotic! I didnt know that im so selfish! Wat i onli knew how to do was to make decision which i think will benefits u ladies most instead of considerin wat is it that u really wanted! Who would wan a fren who onli shared happy moment wif them but keep all the sad moment form them? who would wan a fren to lie to them! or to interfere in their life almost 24hrs a day! who would wan a fren to decide wat is right for them and let the fren thake away the ur ability to choose! who would wan a fren who will try to put on a mask in front of u everytime he meets u! where is the stabilty? how can i then trust this fren? how then can i then believe this fren of mine will be faithful to me, today! yst! tmr! and alot more tmr! So wat if he is good! so wat if he is carin! so wat if he lyks and wan to protect me! he isnt givin me the proper respect which i should get! so wat if he is a maker! so wat if he promnise me the stars and the moon! he couldnt understand the basic aspect of frenship! i felt as if my 感情 had be conned by this guys! completely! he is just a big big big big big asshole! who thinks that he understand everythin but he didnt! "he didnt even understand why i woke up in the middle of the nite to sms him when he was insulted by his fren! he didnt even understand why I kept quiet when eveyone was disturbin him! I doubt he understand why I cared about him so much! all he knows is to apologise! and even if he does apologise! did he even know wat he is apologisin for? all is he apologisn for the sake of apologisin thinkin that apologisin can get him throught everythin! I always thought he understand me, that y i trusted him so much! that y i make a pact wif him allowin him onli to call me 'cute' that y i speak to him when i feel upset! but time after time! chance after chance he failed me! hen totally don know me! he know nth! his words of promise sound so nice that i just wish time hang from that moment! but wat's the point of promisin if he is goin to break it 2 or 3 months down the road! he just don understand me!" " Wat is the point tellin him all of my 心事 when he didnt even wan to share wif me his? am i that un trust worthy to him? then wat is all this smsin? wat is all this little chat session i had wif him? was it just another show or act he put up to lie to me? how then can i trust him? wat did he see me as? did he even treat me on the level of fren! how important am i to him? just another donkey or monkey lyk wat he always mentioned? am i that low class? Wat does he think he is! some kind of hero who happy-dally popped into my life and tell me that he will protect me for the rest of my life? Wat is the point of bein a fren if he just wan to become a hero who come and goes as he wans? wat is the point of bein nice to me when he is just goin to crush wat we have built lyk legos? just how important did he see our 感情? a child's play? MASA? is he worth it? is he? just another sucker who wans to act cool! just another asshole which thinks that he knows anithin and everythin! Let me tell u in the face man dude! u DON!"
Took me long enough to find out that wat i always think im right and best at is wat im most stupid and idiotic at! Im sry for bein so slow and stupid! imagine how much i had hurt u girls! it just pain my hearts! seriously speakin~ Death is not an issue i will bother much about! but u girls are the things which i will nvr nvr be able to forget and walk past as if ani donkey did! Im wrong this time! seriously wrong! so wrong until i don know how to repent! don know how to make up! don know how to forgive myself! but i think, i still owe the both of u one apology! since becos of my immature thinkin i had make u suffer this much! I hope the two of u can find a fren next time! sry~ i couldnt forgive myself! my misdeed is just KNS! I failed to be the promise one! i failed to be the carin one! i failed as ur fren.
Sry! tian-cai! for everythin.
Sry! huiting! I failed.
Im sry ladies! really apologetic.
-jz(asshole)
Seriously speakin! the both of u did brought alot of joy and laughter into my life! The both of u are so blur at times, till the point i cant believe that u are my fren! the both of u are so fantastic at times, till the point i totally give in my heart to! the both of u are are so nice at times until i cant believe im actually livin in mother earth! the both of u are so so so wonderful! in term of frens, best frens or watever! when im typin this post, my brain is playin like a recorder! i can clearly remeber the times when u make me laugh so hard! the time when u made me feel warmth in the darkest nite! I felt i was loved! i felt that im finally the center's of ones eyes! i felt happy. really happy, from the bottom of my heart. But everytime! every time when i shared somethin unhappy about myself to u guys! i sort of find that u guys are feelin depressed! some wat sad! and for me! i hate to see ppl i lyk that much! treasure that much to be sad! even the slightest bits~i just hate it! And since that is the cause of the ll the problem im facin! i should cover it up wif anithin, ani possible ways to cover up the problem! i always think that wat im doin is the best for all of us! but now the resultn is so negative! one of them is angry! and the other is either fed up! or don even wan to see me again! best if i just die!
I don know if that is wat ppl always say: don act smart! becos u are not smart at all! i just felt very very sry to put u ladies throught this, which is so unncessary if not of my stupidity! No wonder i make the both of u so angry! im really a big bug idiot! my way of 大男人主意 is just so wrong! cos in the end im not gettin wat i wan! the smile glued smile form the both of u! "when i put myself in the shoes of both of u! i found that, wat i did was really intolerable and Idiotic! I didnt know that im so selfish! Wat i onli knew how to do was to make decision which i think will benefits u ladies most instead of considerin wat is it that u really wanted! Who would wan a fren who onli shared happy moment wif them but keep all the sad moment form them? who would wan a fren to lie to them! or to interfere in their life almost 24hrs a day! who would wan a fren to decide wat is right for them and let the fren thake away the ur ability to choose! who would wan a fren who will try to put on a mask in front of u everytime he meets u! where is the stabilty? how can i then trust this fren? how then can i then believe this fren of mine will be faithful to me, today! yst! tmr! and alot more tmr! So wat if he is good! so wat if he is carin! so wat if he lyks and wan to protect me! he isnt givin me the proper respect which i should get! so wat if he is a maker! so wat if he promnise me the stars and the moon! he couldnt understand the basic aspect of frenship! i felt as if my 感情 had be conned by this guys! completely! he is just a big big big big big asshole! who thinks that he understand everythin but he didnt! "he didnt even understand why i woke up in the middle of the nite to sms him when he was insulted by his fren! he didnt even understand why I kept quiet when eveyone was disturbin him! I doubt he understand why I cared about him so much! all he knows is to apologise! and even if he does apologise! did he even know wat he is apologisin for? all is he apologisn for the sake of apologisin thinkin that apologisin can get him throught everythin! I always thought he understand me, that y i trusted him so much! that y i make a pact wif him allowin him onli to call me 'cute' that y i speak to him when i feel upset! but time after time! chance after chance he failed me! hen totally don know me! he know nth! his words of promise sound so nice that i just wish time hang from that moment! but wat's the point of promisin if he is goin to break it 2 or 3 months down the road! he just don understand me!" " Wat is the point tellin him all of my 心事 when he didnt even wan to share wif me his? am i that un trust worthy to him? then wat is all this smsin? wat is all this little chat session i had wif him? was it just another show or act he put up to lie to me? how then can i trust him? wat did he see me as? did he even treat me on the level of fren! how important am i to him? just another donkey or monkey lyk wat he always mentioned? am i that low class? Wat does he think he is! some kind of hero who happy-dally popped into my life and tell me that he will protect me for the rest of my life? Wat is the point of bein a fren if he just wan to become a hero who come and goes as he wans? wat is the point of bein nice to me when he is just goin to crush wat we have built lyk legos? just how important did he see our 感情? a child's play? MASA? is he worth it? is he? just another sucker who wans to act cool! just another asshole which thinks that he knows anithin and everythin! Let me tell u in the face man dude! u DON!"
Took me long enough to find out that wat i always think im right and best at is wat im most stupid and idiotic at! Im sry for bein so slow and stupid! imagine how much i had hurt u girls! it just pain my hearts! seriously speakin~ Death is not an issue i will bother much about! but u girls are the things which i will nvr nvr be able to forget and walk past as if ani donkey did! Im wrong this time! seriously wrong! so wrong until i don know how to repent! don know how to make up! don know how to forgive myself! but i think, i still owe the both of u one apology! since becos of my immature thinkin i had make u suffer this much! I hope the two of u can find a fren next time! sry~ i couldnt forgive myself! my misdeed is just KNS! I failed to be the promise one! i failed to be the carin one! i failed as ur fren.
Sry! tian-cai! for everythin.
Sry! huiting! I failed.
Im sry ladies! really apologetic.
-jz(asshole)
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
words of depression
Should i or should i not? i no longer know! im so confused! so veri veri confused! i know that u are unhappy! those starin starin thing which u did! i know that u don wan me to be close to anione! i somehow know all of that. but how am i goin to ensure the safety of this another innocent girl? she isnt an weapon! she isnt a tool! she is someone i treasure as much as u! she is that special to me too!
U arent given me hope! u arent givin me ani chance to repent! u arent givin me anithin, u arent givin me the ability to move forwards or backwards! u are just tryin to make me angry! veri angry! veri lonely! and very down! if not for all of my other frens! i would have giv up long ago! u broke me! u broke my heart! and u are unhappy when i am wif other girls! yet u wan me to see u wif other guys! WTH! i don know! if love is blind! i hope i will nvr lyk u ever again! it is painful! way to pain! i don know! wo mei you yong bah!
U arent given me hope! u arent givin me ani chance to repent! u arent givin me anithin, u arent givin me the ability to move forwards or backwards! u are just tryin to make me angry! veri angry! veri lonely! and very down! if not for all of my other frens! i would have giv up long ago! u broke me! u broke my heart! and u are unhappy when i am wif other girls! yet u wan me to see u wif other guys! WTH! i don know! if love is blind! i hope i will nvr lyk u ever again! it is painful! way to pain! i don know! wo mei you yong bah!
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
Sunday, October 25, 2009
hey guys! miss me! i bet u do right? well! sad news! is experiencin shit now! First i hurt a girl! a girl i lyk so so so much! Actually all was a misunderstandin which cannt be explain based on the situation now! facin hell all day round! waves after waves of torment gushes into my head as if it was tornado! no a tsunami! not even one hour of peace sia!
hey girl!
I know u heard enough of apologies! and yea! i think u heard enough of explanation? is this all? is this how things should end for both of us? i no longer know it animore? is lyk i m tryin so hard to patch things up! yet u come forcefully and tear it apart as if tat was wat u wanted! u might not know! but ur little little expression where u gloom are lyk needle which not onli pierce my heart but stab it constantly! the song which u sent me! everytime the rythms plays in my heart! my heart start poundin faster! and faster! breathin deepen! until i couldnt breathe properly at all! the feelin of lost! the feelin of recivin the feelin of U! it just hurt so much i wish i was shot immediately! hiax! blame myself for not cherishin u!
hey girl!
I know u heard enough of apologies! and yea! i think u heard enough of explanation? is this all? is this how things should end for both of us? i no longer know it animore? is lyk i m tryin so hard to patch things up! yet u come forcefully and tear it apart as if tat was wat u wanted! u might not know! but ur little little expression where u gloom are lyk needle which not onli pierce my heart but stab it constantly! the song which u sent me! everytime the rythms plays in my heart! my heart start poundin faster! and faster! breathin deepen! until i couldnt breathe properly at all! the feelin of lost! the feelin of recivin the feelin of U! it just hurt so much i wish i was shot immediately! hiax! blame myself for not cherishin u!
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
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