I must work harder! to my goals, my dreams, my mission, and you.

It quite a long time since i posted something here, on blogger. Recently i was given the job of a Ursher at Kpop night. After the entire event, I felt that i have wasted 18 years of my life doing nothing, go crazy over nothing and getting all that heat up for nothing.

All my 18 years of life, I have been worrying if ever "my loved one" will be happy! was worrying if she will go away with someone! doing all the jobs to make me look that i am actually on a leveol they can rely on, but actually i am nothing! totally nothing. Looking at all those korean pop band. They were merely 30 and they actually make a name out for themselves. They are that young when they already make a name out for themselves and what about me? I am 18 goin 19 and i couldnt even save the first 1k in my saving account! that y once again i questioned myself, how much have i grown? how much am i to the goal of being a good father? how much happiness can i bring to that girl who is with me? the answer is..

I don even dare to think!!!

I want to make a different, but now the question is how? how can i make a different? Do i study hard? work hard? or rather make efforts in little thing i am doing? I am lost. But defintely i know i mustnt stick to the path i am walking now! cos it isnt the path for me! I must work harder! to my goals, my dreams, my mission, and you.

It has been so so so so so dam long since i last posted anything on the blog.. hmm... Maybe i am too busy or perharp there isnt anithing for me to post but most importantly I am here and i have got something to say!

I got a feeling that I am too childish! don u guys think so? guys as in those silent blog stalker? So i think that i should grow up to be more mature to be more steady in the way i handle things and so on and so forth! so first thing i decided that i shouldnt use that much of my game nickname! devul, althought it sounds dam cool to me but also it sound childish to me.

And for those "dear" friends who keep buggin me about whether if i have a girlfriend this or that! PLS~ stop. I don have one. other then that, life is pretty boring for me in poly.. but i hope it will be fun someday after another. until then! take care!

Actually i wanted to share some stuff with u! feelin so brood up inside, wanted to find someone to talk to! but whenever we come across this kind of topic u keep on tellin me not to think too much! not to think too much! but, I am not thinking too much
! I am not thinking too much!!!!

U said that we are not possible! Have u put urself in my point of view and look at those words which u send via sms? Discriminating eh! veri hurting eh! If u say a few times can bo-chap! but everytime when we talk about this! every single time..

Why? If i really like u! those words from u will meant nth! but if I merely treat u like a good fren and u kept on sayin that! i felt that u are not puttin me on the same level wif u! What if i lyk u? Wat if i not? am i that unworthy to u? Unuseful? always admire ur style of doin stuff! but it feels dam sad knowin that i am not on the same level wif u! dam sad.

lesson 1

First of all! happy new year guys~ wish u guys have a splendid year.

Hmm.. Im wonderin, what hurts the most, see-in ur love one get hurt? or thinkin that ur close one brought all the misery onto u? hmm.. hard to make a choice uh! haha~ read this short novel online! quite a sad one! "happiness never last! but sadness remains in our memory forever!"

For boys-can u possibly bring ur emotion down! in order to "hurt" a girl whom u loved? for entertainment? who could? hmm.. When a problem emerge and there is a need for the pair to split up! the guy will always take the first move to asked for a breakup if the girl's safety is ensured.After breakin up, the guys will always do things undercover to ensure that the girl's pain is cushion as much as possible! thinkin that happiness is ensured before he decided to vanish into is emotional world.

But they never really understand how the ladies think.Do U think the ladies would prefer bein alone yet safe! or bein wif him yet dangerous? think again! do u think those cushionin ever helps them? or do u think at the end of the day they are soakin their pillows in tears? hmm.. go watch new moon! the ans is there! who lyk seperation? who lyks bein alone?

The onli big difference between girl and guy is by the way they express! normally, an emotional lady is easier to spot compared to an emotional guy! guys are pratically good hider and woman are better in expressin! Think again! do u think the guy is feelin less pain compared to the girl? think again!

ok ok! i know! for some im talkin crap! but yea! just wanted to clear my mind of this stuff! SRY~ T.T

miss.unknown

A veri big thanks to Unknown for nominatin me to be the person who giv ''bring laughters to others!'' is lyk WoW~ didnt expect that la! they wan me to write up a wadeva report sia! was lyk really interested to participate in it! so i did some sketchin and plannin but all halted at a half complete my report when SOMEONE(S) came into my mind.

I didnt make everyone who is close to me happi! I did failed for two ppl~one is A guy! AH-shi-lan~, i used to called him! yea! did apologise for my misdoin! but didnt worked! and yes! even till now, we still didnt tok to each other! is lyk cold war to the extreme la! but the reason for our conflict is onli lyk ...... peanuts sia! Dam saddenin one la! another one is a girl! allowin me to onli call her CUTE~ is the promise she made to me! and yea~ similar to Ah-Shi-Lan, we are in veri good relation wif each other until some peanuts thing broke out and yea~ apologisin didnt work leddin to now! totally don talk! avoidin here and there! Wan to show concern to her/him must also go underground~ so that in the end my blessin and wishes did reach them but by other ppls. is veri veri heart sankin one la!

So sry miss.unknown! I don think i have the right to be qualified for this award, competitions! aftrall~i failed to make ppl i treasure alot! almost to the brim of treatin them as if we were bornt form the same parents! smile. but rather then that i bought them tears and anger! therefore i don think i deserve that kind of award! I rather have them back beside me then some awards lyk that~ althought the prizes dam interestin la!~haha! but yea! i really really hope that one day they will go back to normal and poof! by my side they will come! then i will really meet my goal!I will treat them extra well and never ever let them go again!never never lettin them go animore! MY PROMISE.

how can i be happy when we are seperating?

hmmm.. heard from some of my fren that u aint quite happy recently ha! hmmm.. must be wonderin y i sort of lyk dao-ed u on ur birthday bah! to speak the truth! I didnt really dao-ed u! it is just that i don know how to face u, so was slowin down my pace and thinkin of wad should i do or how should i act.

Have u ever ponder and think back in time? have u ever think of how we treat each other in the past? maybe u didnt, but i did. we were dam cold to each others, it is as thou we pratically didnt talk after that incident remember? haha~ u left quite a deep impression in me! cos u are the first girl whom got me so angry! unfortunately.. recently got one more girl overtake u liao la! lol~

I cant pull myself to believe that u are so close by my side, it is like a dream! i agree, we spent alot of happy times together! we share quite alot of sad moments together.. that is y we unknowinly built a bond inter-linkin our heart to one another.I really felt peaceful, in bliss whenever im wif u. u may not know, but i felt ur concern, ur warmth~ overwhelmin the sadness which i am suppose to feel after those incidents. U reduce my pain and sufferin by a leap.

After ur b'd is over! my promised to u is done! poly will start follow by JC! that day is like a day where i will lost touch of someone who is carin and protectin me! i nid to be back on my feets again, and u too~ it(ur b'd) is more of an event of seperation rather then celebration.. how can i be happy that day? how can i smile to u and pretend that nth is happenin? how am i goin to be happy when we are speratin? do u know how unwillin i am? haha~ wakin up from my dream! remember our goals uh! jiayou!

be strong javier

Hmm how long since i last posted anithin? aniway~ nice to meet u guys! and thanks for all the encouragement buddies! frens! laopos! really thanks for bein my cushion when im in the darkest hour. hmm~ i didnt know my blog got quite a number of silent stalker who don use my tag box! but really, thanks for those concerns all my dear silent stalkers -.- ( don know how to use a even nicer term)

hmm.. wat is love? is it just that sudden rush of adrenaline when u see that particular someone? or is it that constant reminders and efforts u put in tryin to tell urself it's over but yet u know ur heart still cant agree to it! is it that simple sms of affection or is it hating yet knowin that u cant hate. Millions have been broke, hurt, conned becos of this words! yet many still believe in this fantasy that one day her/ his mr/mrs right will come into his/her world lyk a fairy and everythin will go like the way fairytales always ended, happily ever after. But seriously speakin, how many of us did really see ani couples who nvr had a single conflict before? therefore conflict is inevitable.

In my own opinion,What make a friendship or rather a relationship long and strong is the way they handle these conflict... there are many way in solvin this conflict but how different the ways are, they always come out wif one party apologisin and the other party forgivin! In most cases nth is too big or bad until they cannt be savage ani more! Ego and sturbborness are normally the more common factors which which will led the rather easy to solve problems into some kind of crisis which will result in hurtin the both party, often deeply!

In my personal point of view! wantin an angel to just pop into ur life and then live happily ever after is almost impossible! if U wan ppl to lyk u! to take note of u! to show u care and concern! first u must start off with urself! relationship and friendship is unlike studies, there shouldnt be ani goals in mind, but is the feel that really matters! U will not always reap wat u sow! sometiomes u will get a unexpected windfall yet sometimes all ur crops may die! but it is how u stand up and prepare for the next batch of crops! U wan ppl to respect u! start by respectin ppl! u wan ppl to love u start by lovin them! U wan ppl take note of u! start by takin note of them! and start with this word TRUST. Try feedin a dog meats instead of bones, try givin the cat fish instead of junks. Things will change for the better.

If u ever had a girl in mind! which make u cry! which make u angry! which make u sulk! which make u high! which make u smile! and no matter how hard u are tryin u cannt forget her... which still hurts when u see things that are once so close to her! that still itch ur heart when somethin is happenin to her! that still wan to make u pretend that U nvr met her before.. don force urself to forget her! but rmb her! don force ur mind to erase her, don pressurize ur heart to delete her but tell ur soul that a part of her still remains in u! and she will wan the best for u and move on..


-u can lie to ur heart,ur soul, ur mind bout the person loved! but once u see that person ur expression will reveal the truth which u had been hidin!


jiayou javier~